“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” - Anaïs Nin

Greetings, lovers.

We trust that you are well.

We’ve all heard the commonly used phrase, “communication is key to a great relationship”.

But, do we ever think about why we communicate with people the way that we do?

What’s that extra something that has us interact with say, a friend, a relative, or, sometimes, a complete stranger with consideration?

What's the element that, through the processing of our emotions, has us treat people with respect?

The answer?

Quite simply, it is HOW we see them that inspires our actions. 

It is the lens through which we filter our perception that informs how we view, address and interact with them. 

If we may, let us give you two simple but extreme examples just so you can pick up what we're putting down.

Example One

A well loved public figure or pop star strolls up to up to you, let's call them "Beyonce". She strolls up to you to ask for the time, or better yet, YOUR time. 

The thing is, you’re busy — and when we say “busy”, we mean that you’re REALLY flippin busy.

Now, your answer is one of two things: 

A genuine “no” because you are aware of the implications of not completing what you are doing.

Or 

The dropping of everything so you can deliver an enthusiastic “heck yes!”. 

Now, of course, we don’t know Bey, but we'll hazard a guess that, no matter your response, you view her as someone important and the tone of your response will match that.

Want to assess the vitality of your relationship with your lover?

Click the image below to take The 1% Love Scorecard and find out in 5 minutes or less.

Example Two

A child cartwheels over to you.

A child riddled with questions.

Like an unstoppable roulette of trivia, observations and 'just-wanting-to-hear-their-little-high-pitched-voice-out-loud', they begin launching a series of questions at you.

Now, you are tidying your home, cooking, or even working; the questions are an impediment to your time. 

You look up to answer.

You stop and take in these curious and fearless little eyes.

The twisting of an excitable little mouth that hasn’t even stopped long enough to catch a breath due the enthusiasm of the question they're about to ask.

The darting of the feet from side to side, unable to maintain stillness because…

…stillness is boring, isn’t it? 

They open their mouth to speak and you notice something.

This child is you. 

Now, are you going to listen to them? 

And when you respond, are you going to speak with the kindness and care that encourages their pending expansion?

Or, are you going to become dismissive? 

Again this is all about HOW you view them. 

Even in the possibility of your being short with them, seeing this child for being kind, sweet, unaware, progressive, delicate and capable will absolutely inform how you interact with them.

Now, we cannot physically see our inner child.

Neither are we lovers, nor close friends, with Beyoncé... unfortunately.

Nevertheless, hopefully, you are starting to see why it's massively important to consider your lens in all your interactions.

Hopefully, the lens concept is clear... you see what we did there? *wink, wink* ; )

Check the lens through which you perceive those who you care about.

Watch our conversation with Careeta Robert-Green on the Unwrap Your Gift Podcast

Now, within the realms of ‘1% Love’, there is an extra consideration and a duty of care that we choose once we enter into a Sacred Union of ‘1% Love’.

When you are in your relationship, or what we like to call a Sacred Union of ‘1% Love’, taking responsibility for how you choose to view your lover can really inject some ´on-the-go-intimacy’ into your dialogue. 

Do you view your lover as capable? 

Patient? 

Kind? 

Fun? 

Loving? 

Do you view them as someone that you admire? 

Or

Do you view them as someone who doesn't listen to you? 

As someone negative or even annoying?

Well, if you’ve not done so already, have a quick think about someone you are in communication with most often. 

What do you think about them?

How do you view the role that they play in your relationship?

Does the way you communicate with them reflect that? 

We can go months and sometimes years not knowing why there is a stoppage in some of our closest relationships.

The great thing that you should know is that all you need to do are three things:

Identify Your Lens

Identify When Your Lens Began

Update The Lens 

Then the fourth, unwritten, step is to:

Go Forth, Practice and Prosper

This takes us back to that old principle of treating others as you’d like to be treated.

Practice seeing and treating your lover as you know would make YOU blush.

See all their great traits and communicate with them with these in mind. 

Reframing the lens will take you from strength to strength, because once you have the right lens you can finally truly and powerfully, focus and be present with your chosen loved ones.

Much love, lovers.

P.S. Remember, as we always say, “the grass greener where you water it”.